Crying

Sometimes I feel like I'm crying in my mind. Crying, crying all the time. I'm drowning. You'll never save me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing everybody. Going, coming, fading away. I'm losing. You'll never reach me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm worthless. I can't stop thinking.

I'll think, "He's done a bad thing to me."

Then I'll think, "That's not right, what did you do to deserve it?"

I'll find something, anything, something small something big, "See, you're an idiot, you deserve everything you get."

Then I'll think, "But I'm still hurt. And I don't think I deserved it."

Then I'll feel bad for thinking that.

These days, I'm crying all the time. I'm also laughing of course. Haha, I laugh all the time. You see me and I'm happy.

But I feel really sad sometimes. I don't know what I'm going through. I'm dropping up and I'm climbing down. It's like a backwards forwards.

I'm drowning.

And you can't save me this time.

Cause it's you, you're the water.

And I'd better grow gills.

Hah.

Now I'm thinking, "I'm making a big deal out of nothing."

Which I am.

But it feels like a big deal to me.

But it isn't.

Someone out there doesn't have enough food to get through the year. Someone out there is sick. Someone out there would give everything to have what I have.

So it isn't.

I'm grateful for what I have.

But I wish that I had someone else's mind.

Maybe not.

But hell if I know what I want.