Monday, May 20, 2013

Suddenly

Today I feel gloomy and moody and sorta sad. 

People tell you not to change. But what if I want to? If the perfect guy needs to love me for who I am, I want to be what the perfect guy wants. Is that so bad? 

I can't do that, I know I can't. But doesn't keep me from wanting to. 

It's not like it's possible anyway. I'll probably stay unwanted for a long while yet.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Reasons

Everything has a reason because God exists. And when God exists, everything that happens to you and everything a person does has a reason. 

The reason can be mind-blowingly simple or extremely, confusingly complex. But regardless, there still is a reason. 

So I want to know why.

I want to know why I was rejected. He says it is because he cannot view me as more than a friend. But why? Is there something so fundamentally wrong with me that no guy can see me as their other half? 

If there are guys who can, why haven't they approached me? Talked to me? Must I be the one who starts things first? I have always been the one to start things first. 

I like you. I like your face, the way you talk, your hands, your hobbies, I like you. And it's unfair to ask you to like me the same way. I know that. But surely you have thought of people you could consider being your "one and only", your "forever". Why can't you see me in your future?

I want to know.