I several fears, but one of them is that one day, everyone will discover what a bitch I am and leave me.
When someone leaves me (not cause they found out, but just because they have to) the reason why I feel so sad is not really because they're leaving, but because I fear the day when I wake up and discover I don't miss them anymore.
Sometimes, I feel like yelling: I LEAVE FIRST.
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so that I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Pooh
But that isn't what I want.
This is what I want: If you're my friend... I don't want to ever live without you. If there's one thing I'm not, it's masochistic. I'm not masochistic. I don't want to hurt when you leave and all I want is to live with you in my life.
Thing is, humans move on. Side effect of dying/living. We move on and one day, I'm not going to hurt because you're gone from my life.
And that's equally scary. To one day know that I'm not going to miss you anymore, that's almost just as bad as losing you in the first place.
